Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Squeaky's LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 11th, 2005
8:31 pm	first off, let me say this entree is very personal to me. i need to write it for me...for my well being... for my future health and happiness. So i need to record some thoughts that I think are important for me to have when i feel like I've fallen off my lifestyle. no surprise that my weight has always played a role in how i feel about myself. since i got to my goal weight at ww's (i guess about 3 yrs ago now) i have been fooling myself that i am taking care of myself. I yo-yo. i eat well for a while... i exercise for a while... i never make permanent changes. this needs to happen. last thursday, in a spur of the moment decision i ended up at a ww's meeting. i think it was long overdue. why i find it so hard to admit i need help to stay the course i don't know.... it's like i'm ashamed. but going there makes me realize i am not the only one. after my cousin's wedding last summer... when i failed to lose weight before i got there... and i think i was actually bigger then the measurements i sent her early on in the year, i began to get unhappy with my state again. they let the dress out as much as they could... but still i felt my flabby tummy hung out for all to see. i want to wear a nice outfit to hm's wedding and feel good. not at all thinking about myself... i want to be content enuff in myself that i'm a non-issue. well, now i want to record what i'm doing and how it makes me feel... i am hoping that if i have trouble again i can look back on these entries as reasons to keep it up. two days into following program (good portions, more fruits and veggies) i was already feeling better. even with a cold, going for walks made me feel better. and this is the important part, not just in my body... but when i pay attention i realize i feel more at peace, more relaxed, more overall sense of happiness. it is this sense of well being that i am hoping to emphasize to myself. increased energy, less lethargy. when i eat healthy i feel like my body is burning such pure fuel. i look at myself, and i am no different visually, but already i see myself more favourably. i am doing every other day some ab exercises... it's amazing in less than a week i can feel muscles... somewhere under the flab is actual muscles... i am not made of jello! :) I am hoping the strengthening of my core muscles will result in less back pain... all studies say it well. what was frustrating about tonight is realizing that andrew was living the polar opposite lifestyle choice. I picked him up at work and asked if he had money to go for dinner ( iwas in the house all day). so we went to joey's fish and chips. he was pointing at appetizers... i held my ground in no. i ordered crab and shrimp with salad. shrimp cooked in lemon. he ordered the deep fried everything platter. i had water and diet coke, he had smirnoff ice. then on the way home, we stopped at superstore, i got strawberrie and some low fat ice cream treats for lunches and the house. he stopped at the liquor store. now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm never going to have any of that food... but c'mon... week 1? and i've had light beer this week within my points. then when we got home i wanted to go for a short walk (only 25 min), but he put on pj's and started his drinks. i know he worked today and i didn't... i know his back hurts... but it's hard to realize that we have been living such a life since we've been in the house. i am glad that we eat at home most times, so that i have control over what goes into him then. Current Music: "no more lonely nights" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
8:17 am	nothing excitng well, i made it mostly thru winter without getting sick. I guess it had to happen. day 4, and my scnoz feels rubbed raw. good news (i think) my left nostril is now leaking (since sun it has only been my right nostril)... maybe this is a sign of the sickness running out of me. Also, throat does not seem so sore. had one of those thoughtful think about the past kind of nights last night. know what's neat? http://maps.google.com then click on "satellite" in the top right corner and then type your address into the bar, and you will get a sattelite picture of where you live! getting that dry, tickle cough now. you know, i really thought i had more to post here.... but it seems not and i should go get dressed for my chiropractor appointment. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
11:30 pm	bonds skin instantly so, i can now say i've had the experience of crazy glueing my fingers to themselves... complete with toothpick between fingers. it was a fun 3 hours or so. thank goodness for the poison centre's tips.... now i have my hand back! yippee! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
10:01 pm	black cloud When my husband and I first saw Discovery Homes Bretton 4 level-split, we loved it but could not afford it. We ended up settling for a condominium from Point of View. We waited a long time for it to be built, over a year in fact. When we were only months away from possession, a man set a fire in the building, which ignited the propane tanks and leveled the whole project. We were crushed. But we took a refund, and put it aside for a down payment for a new home. Because our work circumstances had changed, we could now afford a somewhat pricier investment. We were pre-approved from our bank and began looking. One day during some filing I found the floor plan for the Bretton and remembered we had loved it. I sent an email off the Mike to inquire about the availability of that floor plan, and the price. It made us very excited that it was in our price range! Yes, we would have to develop the basement levels ourselves, but we were just excited at having our own home. We invested in upgrades that suited our dreams for the house. Things like rough-in plumbing for a half bath on the third level, the fireplace installed there in anticipation of the welcoming TV room we would have there. We even had rough-in plumbing put in for a wet bar! We moved in July 6. A lot of touch up painting had to be done, as the carpet layer had pretty much scratched every wall in the process of installing the carpet. Within the first couple of months, I had to have Trail appliances come out and adjust the dishwasher, as the tray wouldn’t stay out… it rolled back in when you pulled it out. Our linen closet upstairs became hard to open quite quickly; and required a body check to close. Then the deadbolt started having difficulties locking. These turned out to all be symptoms of the excessive settling our house was experiencing. Our patio door in the kitchen had daylight showing through it, as the casing shifted; our bay window sprouted cracks off of the edges. The front door became a problem, when one morning neither the deadbolt, nor the doorknob would line up… you could literally push our front door open. I went to work and called Andrew. He was able to get someone out to bend the hinges so that our house would lock. (I already had a call into him regarding the front door and patio door, for which h I was still waiting for a response). Andrew put us in touch with Gary, who came out to see the house. I turned the contact over to my husband at this point, as I was beginning to become upset. A sensor was put in the ground. Several weeks later we were told that the house was finished settling and that they could repair it now. We were told it would be invasive and that we would have to move out during the repair. During this whole process it seemed we often waited in silence to know what was going on with our home. Told accommodations would be found for us, we then found out that none could be booked for us and our family of 4 cats. We were to find our own, and would be giving living expenses. Luck, I guess, led us to being able to stay at my husband’s parents place in High River. A much longer commute to both of our places of employment. The evening of December 8 we exited our home. For me this was the start of a very difficult emotional response to all the stress of having to move out if our home right before Christmas. Thursday morning I met with Terry at the house to receive a living expense check, and the key to get into the house. I lost control of my emotions while there, and could not control the tears. Terry tried to reassure me that they would get us back in before Christmas. The weekend was not enjoyable; working in a retail environment at Christmas, and not being able to go home at the end of the workday. Sunday did nothing to ease my stress. I decided to go back to the house before my 9 am shift to pick some things up. I was not prepared for what I saw. All of our possessions from our 3rd and 4th level in our living room, dining room, and kitchen, stacked 5 feet high. I have no idea if our dining room table, coffee and end tables are covered (protected) under the boxes that have been placed on them. We were aware they would have to move things, but neither my husband nor myself were made aware that everything would be moved. My husband had begun a wall for a storage area, of course that was gone. In our recycles we had wine bottles that I had planned to sterilize and use to make my own wine (they appear to be gone), and in the backyard (between our parking pad, and our neighbors garage) was all our insulation… bits of it strewn across the lawn my husband had planted and grown from seed over the summer. Pieces of the insulation were 5 to 6 houses down from ours in the back alley. My heart began to race, and I couldn’t breathe normally. I found the phone and called my husband, who told me to go outside so I could breathe slowly and clam down. Since Sunday everyday has included a loss of control of my emotions and a tearful breakdown. Then today, my husband told me that we would also be losing square footage because of the metal brackets used to lift and support the house. This is not the dream we had. Our sweet little starter house has become a disappointment, and a source of stress and anxiety. Our families say everything from sell and move now, to look into legal advice. Everyone at Morrison Homes that we have had contact with, has been sympathetic, but not empathetic… I don’t believe anyone has any idea how much this home was to mean to us emotionally, never mind what a huge investment a home is. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: just lose it (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
12:54 am	from my impromptu speech i gave my brudda... "brad when we were toddlers, you were my toy, when we were kids you were my nemesis, now that we're adults, you are my friend. A toast to brad and sam's happiness" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:36 am	important things in life... after looking back on the pictures of the weekend in a slide show format, it really hits me that what's important in life is, family, and friends who love you like family. my brudda got married yesterday (friday)... it was amazing. this weekend has been so full of happiness. seeing my baby brother tie the knot with someone who he loves who appreciates what's important to him... my dad celebrating his birthday on thursday with all his family around him; and hearing him say it was his best birthday in a long time. how can i put in words how it feels to see people i love so much so happy? there are none. nothing could make me feel low tonight. i got a fantastic picture of my brother watching sam walk down the aisle towards him... what a great look he has on his face. i also took a pic at krista's wedding of them dancing to tim mcgraw- my best friend... i had it framed and put the words "my best friend" inside the frame (just printed on the puter, tammy.... i ran out of time)... little did i know, their wedding song is the same one! what a super gift! i really wish my dad's side of the family didn'tlive so far away. brad told me tonight that when he and sam went to the registry office to get their marriage license and they asked him his mother's name and background for it, he said he didn't have a mother. so his marriage certificate reads under mother "unknown". she has no idea what she has done by screing over our father like she has. oh well... i told my brother we have become more of family without her than we were with her... he agrees. things are good. Current Music: gypsy-fleetwood mac (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
6:15 am	good god will i be tired later woke up this morning at 1... could not go back to sleep... tried in the bed until 2, then the couch at 2... got up at 3, ate ice cream, watched inside edition, tried to go bck to sleep at 3:45...got up at 5.started a load of laundry, made list of things needed for house (toilet paper, windex and the like) and a list of what i'd like to serve for housewarming(not toilet paper). went online shopping to see how much it will all cost.and here i am. now i think i am sleepy. ironic. got rid of more clothes yesterday. still think i need to get rid of more. sam (my future sister-in-law) says i could cloth uganda. we'll see what the closet looks like when i finish the laundry. yup, think i'm gonna lay down now. bubye. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 26th, 2004
7:39 am	i think my cat was a dog in a former life pipurr that is. she is a fetch-a-holic! she got a "nerf missile" off her dad's mechanix robot thingie and she will bring it back a thousand times. she is so cute! this morning when i woke up she had figured out how to get on the desk under the window and she was standing hind feet on computer box and front feet on window sill looking out window. thought i had more to say... guess not. ps tammy, that poem is beautiful.... (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 24th, 2004
7:56 am	So i went for healing touch last night at miz marr's. it was a positive experience... i left very calm and relaxed. to me, it felt a lot like meditation should feel. what was super cool, was when she "raked" my energy down my body to even it out... there was a definete feeling involved. this morning i seem to be feeling some things she said i would feel last night which i didn't. namely, dizziness/lightheadedness. only 13 more days! wheeeee! we did our walk thru, and it looks so awesome. i mean, they have a lot of painting to do cuz the carpet guy was not exactly gentle, but it will be fixed. i cannot wait to move in. every day at work is harder, cuz i just want to be un packing our home. my thought for the day " i am going to have fun at work today!" (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
9:56 pm	what's new... so tuesday a lady older then time driving a van bigger than noah's ark hit the PT Cruiser in my work parking lot. Fun. turns out her insurance agent is her daughter. she calls her from the store and says... " I just had a little fender bender at my favourite store, with my favourite girl, and it's such a cute little PT cruiser..." well, it WAS cute, ya bag.... goes thru my head. I just wanted to cry. Instead i helped her find 50% off final sale winter clearance pants... which she came back to try to return on wednesday... when told she couldn't cuz they were final sale, she asked "is sheri here?" cuz apparently, when you hit someone's car they feel like bending the rules for you. i told michelle to say that i wasn't in and that she could only exchange it for something else final sale. when she left, she said "tell sheri i said hi!".... cuz i guess we buddies now... bonded in metal on metal. unbelievable how far people think they can push ....oh well. her insurance is going to fix it. but it sure is inconvenient. i have to go get a second estimate before i can take it in. then i'll be without it for 3 days; although our place has a courtesy car. but i want the PT back before the move. i think i am a wino. sarah gave us all their wine she didn't want to move and already tonight i am polishing off a bottle. at least i can go to work sober. today at our work meeting karen opened up the meeting with an icebreaker where she gave evryone a bravo to fill out for anyone they wanted to. out of 9 people i ended up getting 3 bravos... almost cried. very cool, especiallly considering that 2 were from managers that have been in the biz for many, many years; that i have respect for. nice to know i have an impact. i am where i need to be. i have passion for what i do... so very nice. now if only i could master my head and body. i can't seem to adopt healthy lifestyle changes permanently. i don't know what it will take. perhapd the same passion for myself that i have for work. well, not so much left to type about. 22 more sleeps until we are HOME! (Comment on this)
Monday, June 14th, 2004
8:05 am	ack! the betrayal! muzaklady's LJ stalker is technotaoist! technotaoist is stalking you because they have nothing better to do with their time. They are also getting with your significant other! LiveJournal Username: LJ Stalker Finder From Go-Quiz.com giggle... (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 10th, 2004
9:56 am	so i'm at the mall last night meandering around. i get down by english butler and this 11 year old skinny shaky boy bee lines over to me. i'm thinking he wants money, or the time. he says, with a shaking and stuttering voice, "i was um, wondering if,um i could take just a few minutes of your time to do a survey i'm doing" so i say sure... he starts with "what,um are your priorities (i'm thinking , with my shopping, in the mall, that vein of thought and he says... ) IN LIFE". will, that certainly threw me... i nervously chuckled and said "well, that's a big question" and in my head i'm thinking two things, "is he distracting me so that someone can steal from my purse on my back" and "i'm so excited for our home, i just want to make it all work"... so i respond "i guess just to be happy" he thanks me very much and off he toddles. i go into english butler, thinking "why is an 11 year old boy doing a survey on priorities in life? he should be playing game boy, or riding his bike." interesting. so today is july 10, there is only 26 sleeps until we get possesion of the house. i am a little freaked out. i can't find the packing tape, i just finished 2 days off in which the only packing i did was to go thru some clothes to get rid of. our living area is littered with dirty dishes, and pizza boxes... i don't care about this area any more, but it also depresses me to be in it. i keep thinking of all those boxes that have been in the pile this long, and i know a lot of them have stuff in them that i don't want... i am going to be throwing away/giving away a lot of stuff with this move. everything feels so disorganized... poo. i need to pack stuff that still is out, but i don't know where to start; i get overwhelmed and then flop in front of the tv. i see andrew's stuff, and i KNOW he must have stuff he wants to throw out too, and he doesn't even have time off. i know it will all come together, but it seems like such a big project. i think back to when i was 12 and we moved here. i never finished packing then either. a lot of things just got tossed into a box and brought over here. i don't think i've ever been organized. and i want that more than anything for our home. i don't want to "pack rat" a whole bunch of crap, and things that are stored, i want them organized. when we are in our house i want to know where everything lives. it is very difficult to focus on work. i mean, i know without my job we wouldn't have our home, but all i think about all the time is being in the house. thank god i know it will go quickly. Current Music: crazy in love on much more music (Comment on this)
Monday, June 7th, 2004
7:55 am	bit of quick drivel with coffee in dreams, time twists in dreams, worlds collide in dreams, questions escape in dreams, answers are promised in dreams, you plummet to consciousness... and try to shake it off Current Music: "painted on my heart" the cult (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 29th, 2004
7:09 am	an actual, real post it's been so long since i posted. i am feeling sick today... actually the last three days. sore throat in morning, and starting yesterday, earache. poo. so, it is roughly a month until we move in! i am both excited and nervous. nervous about money. so used to having spending money, and we won't really have any to speak of. it's the damn loan that kills us! 700$ a month... i think we are going to call the new bank and see what we can do. refinance it, lower interest, line of credit... something. in many ways the car was not smart... in others yes. let's face it, i woud've been repairing and repairing the other car, never really knowing if i could get where i'm going (not good, when people are relying on you)...so new is reliable, new is worry free... but new is 420$ a month...i guess a trade off. i've been working at westhills last week and this week... it's ok. one thing that is nice is that is it quite busy. but it is staffed with less hours than mine. drives me batty. only 2 closers... not all the clean up gets done, no stock person, so it's done on the floor, so evryone gets into it, and then no one is really focused on customer service. yesterday i rang in 4 sales with no sales associate that helped them... and their were 5 people on, including me. because of the area, they have great traffic, so i think it's sort of taken for granted that they'll make money. don't get me wrong, there is alot of customer service there... but it could be so much more...ah... it's not my store. coffee fixes things. heather still works at westhills part time... we were chatting yesterday. she is worried about the company again. because the power centres are sitting on so much winter stock (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
7:25 am	You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out, even though you've been known to be a bit boring at times. You manage to serve your purpose in life while expending hardly any effort (and are probably stoned to the gills all the while). What childhood toy from the 80s are you? brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 10th, 2004
8:17 am	giggle the interweb is fun! Today was really fun. I got out of bed just before breakfast because the smell of cooking bacon woke me up. I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy. I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth. Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken. I want to tell the world to get fucked. I am really annoyed with those assholes at _are_you_hotter_than_us_?, because I am so much cuter than them, and those photos don't do me justice. They can't reject me, so I'm starting my own rating community. Click here to join (the first five applicants are automatically accepted). Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat. I want to say thanks to my dad for giving me my own computer and digital camera. Here's a photo of my room. The weather in Ontario is cold. I have nothing more to say. I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder. You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron. it's fun in my head. That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful. Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today! Go ahead, update your LiveJournal. Or, make a different (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 25th, 2004
10:31 pm	i am making pictures for karen to make a collage for debbie... retail is amazing. not so much the job itself, but the people you meet. i have christmas meeting pics and a lot of those people have already moved on to other ventures... in customer service you get the opportinity to meet such amazing people. Some you stay in touch with for a long time, others just drift away.... but they leave mark on your heart. sometimes retail can be heart breaking, other times it can be rediculous nonsense.... but always, at least for me, it is worthwhile. i love meeting and learning from all the people. so debbie called today... i am so excited! she is going to toronto to train on the new tills so that she can go to b.c. and train them! she is going to to look into us taking an extra day so that we can go see casa loma... this funky cement castle that was built over 3 years with 300 people. i am so happy to have a buddy... i was scared of the toronto airport. lots of stuff has happened at cotton ginny in the last week... my emotions are quite topsy turvy about it all.... i am second guessing my instinct to judge people and my own ability to know them. isn't life interesting? i am also feeling blessed in my life. a job i love, a husband i love, new house on the way, new car.... health, people we love.... how can you not count your lucky stars? to my friends who may read this.... i love each and evry one of you.... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 11th, 2004
7:03 am	ack! new car shopping Ok, so bank lady says yes you can afford car payments... so off we go to test drive a perfectly nice chevy optra. I don't like it. It doesn't excite me. We go to test drive a chrysler SX 2.0 (neon)... I love it... andrew doesn't fit in it. (sigh) We don't want to lose any deals that the nice chevy guy may have... but i just ...well, as Randy would say on american idol, "I'm just not feelin' it dawg". My dad thinks we should keep trying to fix the car i have and worry about the new car after we are i the house-he is concerned we'll get in over our heads.(but mortgage lady says it's all good, and no one is more cautious then banks). well, so there is the chevy cavalier, pontiac sunfire, and saturn ion to look at, all in our price range. (and all gm vehicles). shopping for an ew car should be fun; but we both came home down and depressed last night. (and i left my cd at chevy-poop!) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
8:23 am	cars suck I am seriously considering switching to the bus. My key broke off in my lock last night... cuz evrytime i wash my car (which i did on sunday) then my lock gets sticky and i have to go in thru my passenger door... but i tried my driver's side anyway last night and came back with half a key. the really poopy part, was that my spare set was at home... so loving husband had to bring them to me. also, my heat that has not been working... well it was working when i decided to check it at the bottom of my street...also, stupid car did not die once yesterday- which i know sounds like a good thing, but nothing has been fixed and i have no guarantee that it will contiune to work. well, today is cold and snowy... so we'll see what we get today. if i knew it wouldn't jeopardize the mortgage (which we still have to find a new bank for, as ours is too high in interest rate)i would buy a new one. maybe i should leave cotton ginny for more money.... i am a sucker. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
8:21 am	"Which Peanuts Character are You?" - Results: You are Woodstock! Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others: You are Woodstock! Which Peanuts Character are You? brought to you by Quizilla -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you can send this author a message if you want to. Want to see anonymousnowhere's other quizzes? Rate this quiz: (Bad) 1 2 3 4 5 (Good) Make and publish your own quizzes at Quizilla! Hey! Visit this sponsor because they deserve it! HForm.com Form Processing Secure and remotely hosted website forms. No ads. www.hform.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Text Ads are here! Help support Quizilla and reach fifty thousand people a day! Ack! I still don't have that whole posting thing going on!.... I still think I am snoopy in my heart! (Comment on this)